Tuesday, December 11, 2012

{Inner Strength}

Hello Everyone!!

It has been a long time since I have written, and I apologize. Life has been a bit crazy, and I am finally overcoming my struggles. The last time I wrote, it was the end of summer, and I did not get hired for the school year to have my own classroom. Even though that was unfortunate, I am really enjoying all of the opportunities I have experienced while subbing. It was really great to go back to Point for a while, and teach in the second grade room I completed my student teaching assignment in. I was given responsibility of 23 second graders for 6 weeks. Those kids were great, and I really miss them. It was amazing where they started, and how far they came in the time I was their teacher. It was one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever had. That school will always have a special place in my heart, because it is where I was able to learn and grow as an educator. Being in Point will always have a sentimental value to me as well. There is just something about that town, the gym, and the people there that always make me happy. It is, and always will be a second home for me.

I am back home now, and I have been subbing in a great district here. I am going to begin another long term assignment any day now. I am going to start any day now...just waiting for the teacher to have her baby. I have met the students a few times, and I am so excited to have 12 weeks with this group of 28 second graders. I am sure I will have lots of stories to share :) In the mean time, I have had the opportunity to sub in a wide range of grades in a few other schools in the district. My fingers are crossed that it turns into a full time job for fall :))) Please keep your fingers crossed as well!!! Thanks!!

The reason I have been MIA for a while is due to some obstacles I  have overcome. Now I am not trying to be the Taylor Swift of my blog, but I was seriously in the worse relationship of my life. I have never met anyone so controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive. I am not saying this to bash that specific person, or to ask for sympathy, but I am really blown away knowing how many women are in relationships like these, and suffer the same wrath. It is really unfortunate. No one should be telling you how to live your life. It is YOUR life. You only get one...make it amazing.If you are in a relationship like this, walk away, and never look back. It is seriously the biggest weight off your shoulders, and it feels amazing to be able to breath again. I was literally forced to do everything under his command...and if I did not listen...life was not good. I was controlled in every aspect of my life from who I talked to, to if I was allowed to do cardio after my workout, to the food I ate. It was absolutely ridiculous. I cannot believe I put up with it for as long as did, but I honestly felt trapt. It was the worse feeling ever. Never let someone control you. Never let someone abuse you in any form. It is completely 100% unacceptable for anyone to treat another person that way. Most people see me as being positive and happy every day for for the first time in a long time, I walked around with a giant cloud over my head and could not get past it.

I am still trying to rebuild myself. Every day gets better, and I am feeling better about life. Now that I don't have someone holding me back, I am giving 110% in the gym, and leaving satisfied every time. I really focus every movement and isolate my muscles. I feel like I have really taken my training to a whole new level ever since I competed at MN State. I feel so much more connected to everything I am doing. I feel like when I first started training, I loved it regardless, but I didn't really take full advantage of what could be accomplished during a workout. I am really proud of how far I have come, and looking forward to the changes I can make for the 2013 season.

 I started doing cardio post workout back in October to help keep my "off season" under control. I was doing incline on the treadmill or intervals on the stairs. I decided (perfect timing now that its freezing and there is ice and snow ha) but I decided to start running outside again. It feels so amazing to do it. I forgot how much I love that free feeling I get when I am out there. I throw on my hoodie and head out in the dark. At first it is hard to breath because the cold air chokes you, but then I just get use to it by the time the first mile passes.  It is the second best feeling to being in the gym. I love being alone with the pavement in the dark. The snow reflects light and guides me every step of the way. I decided every day I am going to go outside and run, and if it snows, and the sidewalks and roads are covered, well then I will just shovel my heart out :) I owe this to myself. I deserve to be healthy and to take every opportunity I get to capitalize on it.
I am really looking forward to the opportunities 2013 has for me. Every year on my journey, life gets better and better. I cannot wait to see what in store for me next :)

Thanks again for all of the support, and remember, you deserve the BEST.

Have a great night-
SJ xo

1 comment:

  1. To hear how someone I see as very strong and independent had troubles with a controlling person makes me realize how difficult it must be for people to get out of those relationships. Glad you made the move and are able to move on with your life. Keep up the hard work. Happy I met you before you were famous!!