Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The {Unforgettable} Day...

::8 Years Ago Today::

Every year, no matter how hard I try not to think about it, February 23rd happens whether I want it to or not. As the day approaches, I think in my head...what could I have done to make my dad stay? Or I think back in time and count down and I tell myself..."3 more days 'til my dad leaves...2" or "He's leaving Thursday..." to try to prepare myself for the day emotionally and mentally. I try not to think about it but I find myself repeating it, and replaying that day in my head over and over.....

8 years ago today I remember coming home from high school with my older sister, Amanda in her green Dodge Neon and we pulled into the driveway, walked into the house to my brother, Josh and my mother sobbing on the floor. Something bigger was missing than half of our belongings...the man I once called my father had walked out on us. To this day I wonder why he left. I try my best to not let it affect me, because I know the situation is out of my hands.

I know that I am a strong, independent woman because of this incident and it shaped me into the person I am today. I do not put up with b.s. from anyone, I never settle, and I have have a big wall guarding my heart. People can tell me year after year, "It is his loss, Sara..." but the end it will always be my loss too. Growing up without a father was extremely difficult. {and it still is} I had a lot of struggles with finding myself because I was always trying to fill an empty hole that was once filled with his love.

I am extremely proud of far I have come, but I always wonder if knows what I am up to...or what he's thinking...or how he feels. Does he know how hard I work in the gym? Does he know how great of a teacher I am becoming working with Mrs. S this semester?...Does he even know I am student teaching, and I am graduating in May? Probably not...and even if he does... I never hear about it.

I wish he knew how much I miss him. If both of your parents are still in your life, tell them how much they mean to ,because you never know when that last chance will be.  

Thank you to all of the positive male influences in my life that have helped fill in the gaps, and are there for me as I grow up and face new challenges in life. 

Take some time today to remind the ones around you how much they mean to you, and please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers today...

<3 SJ XO

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